Blaming pet owners for vet med's burnout and suicide rate is preventing us from addressing the real issue that's in our power to change. 

I completely understand why it's common to hear pet owners blamed for the high burnout and suicide rate in vet med.

Being told you're only in it for the money.

Wanting to help a pet but having your hands tied because the owner declines everything.

Being yelled at for just trying to do your job when you’ve already had one tough case after another that day.

Being expected to return calls immediately as if you don’t have a million other things calling your attention at once.

Having your morals challenged for a euthanasia request on a patient you think still has a lot of life left.

As a veterinarian, I understand the hurt, anxiety, frustration, anger, and heartache that comes with those scenarios.

I know what it’s like to finally get home at the end of the day exhausted and feeling like a shell of a human because the day took everything you had to give and more.

I know what it’s like dreading going back because it never feels like enough time to recover.

I know what it’s like to desperately want to do whatever will help you to escape having to feel all the shitty and painful emotions that you’ve accumulated from the day.

I’ve experienced burnout.

I wanted to escape the profession so that I didn’t have to feel all of those overwhelming emotions anymore.

I wanted to feel like a human again.

I wanted a break from the responsibility, the fear of making a mistake, the exhaustion, the owners who didn’t understand just how much I care and the heaviness I was carrying inside of me, the constant anxiety and worry, and the hamster wheel of it all.

That’s why I think it’s so important that we talk about the real problem. So we can focus on change that is in our control and actually makes a difference. Change that has the power to save lives.

The brutal reality is that we can’t control what another human does. Annoying, I know.

As long as we are wanting someone else to behave in a certain way so that we don’t have to feel uncomfortable feelings, we will feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and defeated.

Because this is not just in vet med!

If you leave vet med to get a break from pet owners who do and say things you don’t like, you are going to be very disappointed. Because pet owners are humans—and chances are, this same energy drain is showing up in other aspects of your life, too: relationships, politics, and the state of our world.

Because humans are all hard-wired the same way.

We all share a nervous system, and when we’re overwhelmed/stressed/threatened, we go into a stress response where instead of being able to think logically, our impulsive amygdala takes over.

It doesn’t care about being reasonable—it just wants to keep you safe. Your options? Fight, flight, fawn, or freeze/shut down.

If you think about it, most pet owners are in a stress response when we see them: their pet is sick AND finances are involved (on top of the fact that our world has normalized living in a constant state of stress).

The ones in the fight response stand out, because they’re usually the loudest and most hurtful.

But notice how our reaction is often to blame pet owners for being the problem—which is exactly what we’re mad at the pet owner for doing to us.

Both sides are in a reactive fight response.

Blaming each other isn’t solving the real stressor that we both share: concern for a pet who needs care and the logistics of how to make that happen.

It would be amazing if everyone had self-awareness and tools to regulate their nervous system so they don’t take out their anger on others, but that’s not the current reality.

Instead of expecting that of pet owners, we need to focus on what we can control: starting with ourselves and addressing the real root issues.

Because pet owners are not the problem—they are just a symptom of the larger issue.

Vet med, like the rest of our world, has normalized living in survival mode and suppressing difficult emotions.

So are we supposed to just grin and bear it and tolerate clients who are disrespectful and don’t get it?

Absolutely not. That’s the fawn response (people-pleasing and avoiding conflict for safety), which leads to resentment and burnout.

We don’t need to tolerate toxic behavior—but we do need to shift out of survival mode so we can move from reactive and defensive to proactive.

That means releasing judgment and meeting these stressful scenarios with compassion and curiosity so we can protect our energy and sanity despite the realities of human behavior and the stressors in vet med and life.

Blaming Pet Owners Won’t Save Vet Med. Addressing the Root Issues Will.

When we shift our focus away from what clients should be doing and toward what we can do to protect our energy, we stop feeling powerless.

We stop carrying resentment home.

We stop letting one bad client ruin our whole day.

And we stop feeling like our job is impossible.

This shift isn’t about letting pet owners off the hook—it’s about taking back your power, seeing the deeper layer of what’s draining, and making changes so that vet med feels fulfilling instead of frustrating for you.

There is no reason for a veterinary hospital to be operating in a constant state of survival mode.

When we start recognizing stress responses for what they are—biological reactions, not personal attacks—we can shift from reactive to proactive. That’s where real change happens.

How Do We Create a Profession Where We Can Thrive?

✅ Adopt a nervous system perspective  

I am going to repeat this over and over and over until it has happened across the board, because this will truly be the game changer for our profession and help to lead the much needed paradigm shift we need. 

Right now, we are stuck in survival mode and it shows with:

• Overextending ourselves and never being able to rest even though we know we need to
• Being “too busy” for basic necessities like real food, movement, fresh air, and even bathroom breaks
• Tolerating disrespect from clients
• Reactivity, judgment, and bullying (clients, coworkers, colleagues)
• Burnout and suicide (this is the nervous system stuck in shut down because we ignore/have normalized the other stress responses aka the warning signs that happen before this point) 

Adopting a nervous system perspective is a superpower. 

It’s a universal language that tells us how to interact with ourselves and others, yet most people have been conditioned to unlearn it. When you re-learn it, you can start seeing and understanding things that other people can’t. 

That’s why we need to adopt a fear free approach (for humans) in vet med. We need to stop normalizing being stuck in survival mode and instead recognize the signs of flight, fight, fawn, and freeze/shut down in ourselves and others and then pause and get curious about what needs to happen to re-establish safety. And then use that experience as an opportunity to identify ways to be proactive in making an adjustment to create an environment where the baseline stress level is low and it’s convenient to thrive. 

I teach the basics in my free Beat The Burnout resources which is RACE-approved for 4 hours of CE.

✅ Set clear boundaries & protocols

Use challenges and draining days when you’re in fight (irritable) or shut down (numb/no energy or motivation/not wanting to be around anyone) by the end of the day to get curious about what specifically contributed and what needs to happen to be proactive in protecting your energy and sanity in the future. Use that information to establish boundaries, learn new skills, have hard but productive conversations, or create hospital policies that align with your values.

Example 1:

Challenge:

You have a client complain about pricing (which tells you they’re in fight mode). 

Get curious to identify opportunities to be proactive instead of reactive:

• Why is it understandable from their perspective that they’re feeling stressed by that?
• How do you feel about the cost of veterinary care? When you have conversations about pricing, are you bringing your own emotions/biases/beliefs about finances into the conversation and expecting them to be difficult because of past experiences?
• Are you being transparent about costs from the start, making your positive intention clear, and emphasizing options for spectrum of care without judgment or was the bill a surprise at the end?
• Are you actively talking about pet insurance and payment options (like Care Credit and All Pet Card) with every patient and making it easy for them to enroll
• Does your practice have a readily available list of services that help with the cost of unexpected vet care?
• Does your practice have a zero tolerance for bullies policy and fire disrespectful clients?

The answers to those questions can help to identify opportunities to learn new skills or create protocols so that conversations around finances actually help to strengthen your relationship with clients rather than cause a divide and can also help to ensure you’re attracting clients that are the right fit for your practice.

Example 2:

Challenge:

A client just declined all treatments because they only have $50 for the exam and their puppy just tested positive for parvo and you notice this scenario is extra draining and frustrating for you. 

Get curious:

Has your hospital had a conversation as a team about how to navigate these scenarios in a way that aligns with your hospital’s values and everyone’s individual values?

So many practices say “we treat your animal as our own”. That sounds nice, but if that’s truly how you want to practice then you need to be having conversations about what that specifically looks like in scenarios like this when it’s not easy to do and to establish protocols around that. Otherwise, it will feel extremely draining to be caught in situations where you don't feel like you're able to practice medicine in a way that aligns with your (or your hospital's) values which is a fast track to burnout.

✅ Normalize prioritizing well-being

We can’t expect clients to regulate their emotions if we don’t model it ourselves. We need to normalize nervous system regulation and put our oxygen masks on first (including prioritizing basic necessities like rest, real food, water, fresh air, and movement) in order to have energy and resilience for the inevitable stressors we encounter.

You don’t have to wait for your hospital to adopt this approach or for a client to change their behavior. This is in your power.

Be the Unicorn Vet Med Needs.

You can choose to be a unicorn—so that instead of waiting for other people to change you take back your power to create positive change in your life- starting now. When you do that, you also lead the change vet med desperately needs.

Being a unicorn isn’t something you’re born with—it’s a daily choice and a way of navigating life.

✨ Unicorns stand out because of their magnetic energy and resilience.
✨ They prioritize well-being, knowing it’s a non-negotiable foundation for sustainable success.
✨ They see challenges as opportunities to gain new perspectives, think outside the box, and create a burnout-resistant future.

This is part of my unicorn movement to inspire every individual and hospital to unlearn what hustle culture has conditioned us to believe about success—normalizing survival mode, constant stress, self-sacrifice, and ignoring our bodies—and instead, to lead by example in setting a new standard where a mind body approach to well-being and putting your oxygen mask on first are the foundation of sustainable success in vet med and beyond.

Ways to Get Started:

⭐️ Share this article to increase awareness.

⭐️ Listen to my Life Boost with Amelia podcast
Top 3 episodes to start with:

Ep. 72 | Burnout Recovery for Veterinarians: 6 Essential Questions to Get Your Energy and Life Back

Ep. 73 | From Survival to Thriving: How A Fear-Free Approach (For Humans) Will Transform The Veterinary Profession

Ep. 82 | 7 Traits of a Unicorn: How To Be The Change We Need In Vet Med and This World

⭐️ Learn the basics for a sustainable, fulfilling career in vet med with my free RACE-approved Beat The Burnout resource

⭐️ For deeper support, join my 6-month Life Boost Mentorship (RACE-approved for 8 hours of CE)

⭐️ Practice owners: Help your practice shift out of survival mode and catch early warning signs with the Unicorn Vet Hospital Survey & Consulting options