It's Friday afternoon. You've worked hard all week, and you're so ready for the weekend and time to recharge. But then Saturday morning hits — you try to have a leisurely morning, but then the guilt creeps in. Your brain starts thinking of everything you "should" be doing. You knock out some errands, clean, scroll, catch up on everything that piled up over the week, and by Sunday night you realize you never actually rested.

If that sounds painfully familiar, there's a reason it feels like there's always at least "one more thing" between you and finally having more time for you. Your nervous system has learned that productivity is safe and rest is uncomfortable — and that programming is running quietly in the background, draining your battery and keeping your to-do list long without you even realizing it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why rest can feel worse than working — even when you think it's what you want
• The "malware" running in the background of high achievers (and how it's connected to trauma responses you may not even realize you have)
• The 3 hidden reasons rest feels so hard (especially for driven professionals) 
• How to actually start prioritizing space to pause and why pausing is the real power move for sustainable success
• The early warning signs from your body that you're in survival mode (before burnout forces you to slow down)

Listen to the episode below or wherever you enjoy listening to your podcasts. 

Transcript:

The Weekend Guilt High Achievers Don't Talk About: 3 Reasons You Can't Relax — Even on Your Days Off

Hi, friend. I've been doing weekly Instagram lives lately, where I talk through common stressors in Vet Med and share simple shifts or strategies that can help you to feel less overwhelmed and more supported in vet med and life. And I decided to start sharing them here as well, so that I am sharing more consistent podcast content.

I would love to hear from you. What challenges or frustrations are coming up for you right now? What would you like to hear more of? It doesn't just have to be in vet med because as you know, everything is connected, so if you have an idea or a suggestion, you can reach out anytime at amelia@lifeboost.today or message me on Instagram. I'm @lifeboostwithamelia.

Welcome to the Life Boost with Amelia podcast where we're changing the narrative around what true health and success look like. They should give you energy, not drain it. I'm your host, Dr. Amelia — multi-passionate integrative health and life coach, entrepreneur, and recovered burnout veterinarian. Together, we'll explore the science behind how your brain and body work, including the unconscious mind, while also connecting with what your heart needs in order to stand up to the norm of feeling stuck on a hamster wheel — working hard yet feeling exhausted and not where you want to be — and instead live a life that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning and in love with who you see when you look in the mirror. The reality is if you do what everyone else is doing, you're not going to feel good. Let's break the norm.

Why Weekend Guilt Hits High Achievers So Hard

Let's talk about the weekend guilt that high achievers struggle with and don't talk about.

So it's Friday. You've probably been working hard all week and you are probably ready for a break, right? Heading into the weekend. And yet, how often does it happen that you're so ready to carve out some time for you and then maybe you try to prioritize a little bit of time, but you kind of feel guilty or something else pops up — and then you find yourself at the end of the weekend and you've actually been pretty busy all weekend. You haven't really had that time to fully recharge and you're like, darn it, I do not feel ready for another week.

We're gonna talk about why that happens.

So this is for you if you feel like you really do need a break and you also feel like you have too many things on your schedule. It doesn't feel possible.

It's for you if you have a really hard time prioritizing rest. It feels like the moment you sit down even to watch TV, immediately your brain thinks of something else that you need to do — and so you do that because otherwise you feel like rest isn't actually going to feel enjoyable. Like you can't enjoy resting unless you've checked everything off of your to-do list.

It's for you if you are the type of person who doesn't like to slow down. You like the hustle and to be busy, and also that means that you are also relying on caffeine or cortisol to get through the day. Like, yes, you love being busy and you thrive on it, but maybe your body is telling you that it could use a break.

If any of those resonate, this is for you.

Checking In With What You Actually Need

So as we head into the weekend, if you follow me on stories, one of the things I often ask is, first, how are you feeling? So checking in with — do you feel content and relaxed? Are you in a good state? Are you feeling busy or stressed? Are you feeling kind of irritable? Or are you just on empty? Do you have no energy or no motivation?

That kind of check-in is so helpful, especially heading into a day off or a weekend, because I then ask: what do you need most? What do you need to prioritize?

And the big ones I often ask are: do you need rest without guilt? Maybe time in nature, social connection that feels good. Or do you need fun and adventure? Or a mixture?

By far, the most popular answer that I hear is rest without guilt.

And then I usually ask, okay, and you're gonna prioritize that, right? And either it's like, yes, definitely I'm going to, or thank you for that extra nudge, okay, now I will. Or, that feels really hard.

And so often it is that response of, thank you for that nudge, I needed that encouragement to actually do it. Or, I know I need to rest, but how? Like I just don't feel like I can.

So that's why I wanted to talk about that in more detail today.

How Trauma Responses and "Malware" Make Rest Feel Unsafe

Let's talk about why it's so common, especially as high achievers. It's really important that we are resting — and so often, why is that not happening?

The reason, if this seems like it happens a lot to you, is because your nervous system has probably learned that productivity and maybe putting others' needs before your own is good. That is safe. That is where you feel comfortable. And rest, or putting your oxygen mask on first — that feels unsafe. That feels very uncomfortable.

And that is what I call malware. It is basically this very unhelpful programming that was downloaded at some point in your life, and it's just running in the background. It is draining your battery, taking up your schedule. And it's controlling you likely without you even fully being conscious of how much it is influencing all of your actions.

And that malware can also be known as a trauma response. And so in this case, if you have a really hard time resting, it's likely the flight trauma response. It's also — we're gonna be blending that with the fawn trauma response because those two are often really connected.

Saying trauma you may think, oh, I've never experienced trauma before, but trauma really is not about the actual event. It is about the internal experience, the way that our body experienced something. And it can happen anytime we experience overwhelm or too much stress to process in the moment. It can also happen if there has been too little for too long.

And so when we look at our society every single day, you are getting exposed to so many of those.

If you think about malware as something that gets downloaded onto your software or your computer, oftentimes it either seems like it's going to be helpful and suddenly it's taking over your system, or it just gets in there without you even realizing it. That really is happening for you and your brain in so many ways.

How Hustle Culture and Vet Med Train Us Out of Rest

If you think about hustle culture, right? The number of times throughout the day, you're receiving messaging that is just making you think success is equal to doing more, right? Productivity is great. No pain, no gain.

And if we think about vet med, in so many ways we are selected and rewarded for that willingness to always be doing more, putting others' needs first, right? In order to get into vet school, it's like we need to get perfect grades, we need to do all the things — extracurriculars, volunteer. Rest isn't really a part of that equation that helps us to get in. And it's also often there's a lack of boundaries, right? We're working long hours, we're taking care of our patients. We are self-sacrificing. And so we learn — we are praised for that. That feels safe and good to our nervous system.

It often starts even earlier in life. For example, maybe in childhood you learned that from your parents. Your parents may have been great. Like for me, my parents were very supportive and loving, and yet my nervous system really early on learned rest, or like pausing and watching TV, feels pretty unsafe. Like I worried that I would get in trouble. They wanted me to be outside, like to not waste a beautiful day. And so if I watched more than a half an hour, I felt like, this is bad, I'm wasting my day, I shouldn't be doing this. I really felt like, ooh, I'm gonna get caught.

And that feeling didn't leave when I grew up. I continued to have that feeling even as an adult.

So there are so many reasons why your nervous system may have received that message. You do not have to stay there.There are ways of uninstalling that malware, but the first step is really just even being consciously aware of it.

Even if you know that you need rest, there's a huge difference between being aware of needing to rest and then actually prioritizing that and being able to make it happen in a way that's proportional to what you need. So often we're like, okay, I just hustled for an entire month and now I'm gonna carve out an hour and get a massage and feel like that should be enough to recharge. Right?

It's really about how many things in your day are supporting your energy versus how many things are draining. And there needs to be more things that are supporting your energy in a day for anything to be sustainable for health and success.

There are three reasons we're gonna talk about today to dive even deeper about why rest may feel so hard for you.

Reason 1: Rest Doesn't Feel the Way You Expect

The first is rest doesn't feel like you think it will.

The expectation is once you finally can relax, it's going to feel great, right? That is the assumption. Rest should feel really good. If you have this malware, if you've learned that constant productivity is good, rest is not going to feel the way you think it is. It is going to feel very uncomfortable. It could feel like you are doing something wrong and you may feel guilty.

That is so important to be aware of because otherwise you're gonna think you need to do more in order to fix it.

Imagine, it's the weekend. You know what? I just wanna kind of binge some Netflix. I'm gonna sit down, sit on the couch. You feel comfortable for a moment. And then what happens? Your brain is like, bing, actually there's this thing that I need to do, and I should probably do it now, otherwise I'm not gonna be able to just enjoy this show. Or to focus. Or maybe you try to watch but then you're scrolling on your phone or you're multitasking.

It's happening because your brain doesn't want you to rest. It's feeling uncomfortable. You feel like you need to keep doing more. So there's this belief of I need to earn rest. So if I'm trying to rest and it's not feeling good, it means that I need to do more, need to check off everything off my list — and then there's this belief that rest will feel comfortable. But that isn't true. Your brain is just endlessly going to think of more and more things to do. Maybe you'll have that moment where it feels okay and then you're gonna start to feel restless.

How to Break the Pattern

So that's important to know because in order to break that pattern, it's really just a habit that your brain has learned. You need to be able to observe: oh, I'm trying to rest. I'm noticing that my brain is trying to offer more things that I need to do in order to earn it. And to remind yourself: I don't need to earn rest. Rest is actually a crucial foundation for everything.

And not just giving your mind that memo, but also giving your body the memo. And so that could be something like even putting your hand on your heart and taking a few deep breaths. Because often we're breathing just shallow breaths throughout the day. If you're taking nice, big breaths so that your chest and your belly are expanding — the sides of your ribcage and the back — that is signaling to your nervous system, okay, this is actually okay. I am safe.

Just practicing dismissing those thoughts that are telling you to do more and recognize, no, actually the top thing on my to-do list right now is blocking off this time for me.

And that is something that can really help — to practice giving yourself permission. So block off on your schedule, okay, for the next hour, for the next half hour, for the next three, whatever feels comfortable. Say, okay, this time is designated for me to literally do nothing. I am giving myself permission to not be productive during this time. And then really practicing seeing that as a success and noticing how it influences the way that you feel for the rest of the day when you actually give yourself permission to prioritize that.

Reason 2: Prioritizing Yourself Feels Selfish (But It's Actually a Fawn Response)

The second reason that rest may not be happening is because it feels selfish putting your needs first.

This is, again, unhelpful programming, right? You may feel like you are just being nice. Either your patients are coming first and you really wanna prioritize them, or it's taking care of your family, or friends have asked you to do things and you keep saying yes — so that you're looking at your schedule and feeling pretty overextended. Because you think you're just doing the right thing.

So that really is another limiting belief. Flawed belief, right? It's this belief: I'm saying yes because I'm just doing the right thing or being nice. In reality, if saying yes is overextending you, that actually is not the nice thing to do.

And this is where that fawn stress response or trauma response comes in. An interesting thing to be aware of is that this actually isn't about wanting to be nice to the other person. It is actually about avoiding your own discomfort. There's a tendency to say yes or to try to help others because that feels safe and good for you. And the thought of saying no and having someone else be upset with you — that feels too uncomfortable. So there's a tendency to self-sacrifice, do what you think others want you to do so that they are happy with you.

But a signal could be that you tend to have resentment about that, or you say yes and then you immediately have regret. That's a sign that there is some masking, that you are not actually listening to what you really need. You're more connected to what others need.

Reprogramming the Belief That Saying Yes Is "Nice"

If that sounds familiar, one really important thing that can help with reprogramming that belief is noticing — when you say yes to something but that makes you feel overextended, or when you put others' needs before your own, how do you actually show up for those interactions or for your job? You probably feel tired, stressed, maybe you feel irritable, resentful. How do you interact with your partner when you feel like you haven't had enough time to prioritize you? Probably not as your best self.

Compared to when you put your oxygen mask on first — then how do you feel? How does that influence the way you navigate everything? When you are prioritizing basic necessities, like you're prioritizing the food that helps you to feel good, you're having water, you're having time for brain breaks, you're having time to move in a way that feels good or to go outside — when you do that, it probably is much kinder to everybody, right? You're probably in a better mood. You have better energy, you're better able to focus.

And so really challenging anytime you're noticing, ooh, I'm feeling like saying yes, even though I'm noticing that's making my body tense, that's going to stress me out — and practicing saying no. Noticing that that may make you feel uncomfortable for a moment, but then you're probably gonna be really glad. Right? Or maybe you'll feel like you did something wrong, but it's only because it feels like you're doing something wrong because your nervous system thinks that it's unsafe.

And noticing — the more you start to carve out time and have boundaries for you and say no, the more it makes your entire life more comfortable. Right? There can be one conversation when you are saying no to something — that moment feels uncomfortable — but then having a free day instead of having it completely booked, that feels really comfortable. Right?

So starting to notice: where are those moments where if you could have the courage just for a moment to stick up for a boundary, how much of a relief that's going to be, how much more time that's gonna give you.

Reason 3: You've Tied Your Success to Constant Productivity

The third reason that it is hard to prioritize rest could be that you have attributed your success to your constant productivity.

You have an identity that you are not the type of person who likes to slow down. You thrive on being busy, you probably feel proud of that part of you.

So that was definitely me. All of these were me at some point. I loved that I was the type of person who didn't like to slow down. I hated meditating and journaling and yoga. Those things were slow. That was not what I liked to do. I loved being the person who impressed other people. I loved having an insane schedule, being like, these are all the things that I have today, and having other people be like, wow, that's a lot. There was a part of me that felt exhausted by that, but the other part of me really loved it. Or doing insane workouts that really pushed my body.

So this is a really tricky one. This is why so many people in vet med experience burnout, because we think we are thriving right up until the point that we burn out. And so often it is our bodies that first tell us — or eventually force us — to pause, versus our minds, because we are just so driven. And that pride can be really strong.

Early Warning Signs From Your Body That You're in Survival Mode

So if this sounds familiar to you, one thing to start getting curious about is: are there some signs from your body that this isn't working for you?

Are you always having to rely on caffeine or adrenaline to get through the day? Are there some nagging signs in your body that you haven't fully listened to? For example, are you often having headaches or migraines? Are you having some gut discomfort that you are putting a bandaid on with some medications, you know, Pepcid, or just dealing with? Are there autoimmune issues? How's your skin? Do you get sick as soon as you have vacation or some time off? Are you getting sick often?

Are there some subtle signs from your body that it is more in survival mode? That is something to listen to early on. Otherwise, your body eventually is going to force you to slow down, and it's never going to be at a convenient time, I assure you.

Why Pausing Is the Power Move for Sustainable Success

If that's the case, an important thing to know is: being ambitious is amazing, right? You can absolutely be driven. You can have big goals and dreams. And a really crucial piece of that being sustainable and achieving your biggest dreams is recognizing that pausing is the power move. It is crucial.

Hustling is the easy part, right? I have it on my mug right here. Hustling is easy. Pausing is the power move.

We think that constant productivity means more success. It is actually in those moments when we pause, when we give our brain space, that we have our downloads, right? When you have your best ideas, when you suddenly are able to solve a problem, when you suddenly have clarity — those moments of pausing actually are often the most productive moments. It's also when you can integrate everything that you've been learning.

So that is a huge switch. If you love that you are the type of person who does all these impressive things, starting to also see pride or see it as a huge win or flex to pause. And that is going to take some time.

But also, if you allow yourself to start being honest about what your body is telling you, then it's going to help you to feel good. And it's important to keep in mind that any goal that you have ultimately is because you are trying to feel a certain way. You imagine when you achieve that goal, it's gonna feel good. Right? That's the only real reason we do the things we do.

But if you are constantly chasing after that feeling of success, you're never gonna be able to arrive there. Learning how to pause is also gonna help you to arrive in success, and it's going to help that success to feel good — because you're going to be crossing that finish line and you're going to actually be able to enjoy it. You're gonna have energy, you'll feel good in your body, rather than crossing the finish line and then toppling over and having zero energy and it not actually being sustainable.

And it's not just about crossing the finish line. We want the journey there to feel good too, because life is really about the journey. Those moments of crossing a finish line or achieving a goal is truly just a moment in time.

Recap: How to Prioritize Rest This Weekend

All right, so a recap.

This weekend, tune into what is your body telling you? Are you feeling good? Was this a great week? And if you are feeling relaxed and safe and social, think about what from your week contributed to that. That's really valuable to be collecting that information.

But if you are feeling like you are stressed, too busy, if you're feeling irritable, if you feel like you're more in a freeze or shutdown and you have low motivation, low energy, things are feeling hard, you're feeling in a low mood — then that's all really valuable information. That is just saying that your nervous system is feeling kind of at capacity.

And a really important thing this weekend is to prioritize some time for you to recharge. And in order to do that, you are going to practice giving yourself permission. Block off — when are you going to do that? How are you going to really give yourself permission to just do nothing?

Collect data on how that influences the way that you feel when you really carve out time for you this weekend. How does that influence the way that you feel in your interactions and next week? And then also write it down as a success. Start programming your brain to see those pauses as the most productive thing that you can do.

Want Deeper Support? The Aligned Success Reboot

If you would like deeper support with this, that is exactly the kind of thing that we do in the Aligned Success Reboot. That is my six-month integrative mind-body coaching experience and community. It is for driven professionals who want to thrive in their career with less hustle and overwhelm. You wanna feel good and confident in your body with less restriction. You want healthy habits that feel natural and good instead of like a chore. And if you want more time and energy for you without the guilt — that is what we do.

We look at all aspects of life starting at the nervous system, because the reality is your nervous system controls everything. It controls the way that you feel physically and mentally. And we dive into exactly where is that malware, what needs to happen in order to uninstall it so that you can feel healthy and successful.

To learn more about the Aligned Success Reboot visit https://www.lifeboost.today/aligned-success-reboot and click "take the first step" to answer a few quick questions so that we can start a conversation to explore if it's right for you.

I would love to hear: how are you going to carve out time for you this weekend? And let me know if any of this sounded familiar.

If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with someone who you think could benefit. And if you're enjoying this podcast, it would mean so much to me if you would take the time to leave a review so that others can find me.

And as a thank you, if you leave a review, send me an email letting me know, and I'll send you a free guided meditation for mental rehearsal. That is exactly what elite athletes, executives, incredible surgeons all use as the scientifically proven way to improve performance. And the reason this works so well is because when you are mentally rehearsing, the same area of your brain is lighting up as if you were actually doing it. And so it's a safe and effective way to be preparing and practicing and improving your skills for when you're actually living it in the moment.

Send me an email at amelia@lifeboost.today if you leave a review, and I can't wait to share that with you.

Cheers to your inevitable health, happiness, and success.