Ep. 100 | The #1 Reason Conversations Become Frustrations (And How To Prevent That)

Ever feel like you’re having a conversation—but somehow it turns into frustration?

Whether it’s with a client, a coworker, your boss, or even your partner, that feeling of “not being heard” can be exhausting.

In this episode, I break down the #1 reason this happens—and a simple shift that can completely change how you communicate, reduce tension, and create more connection in your day-to-day life.

We explore the three types of conversations (practical, emotional, and social), how mismatches lead to frustration, and how to start recognizing what’s actually happening in real time so you can respond more effectively.

If you’ve been feeling drained by conversations that go nowhere, this will give you a new lens that can make a huge difference.

Transcript: 

This episode was originally recorded as a weekly Instagram Live, where I'm addressing common stressors in veterinary medicine and simple, practical shifts for more fulfillment and sustainable success.

The #1 Reason Conversations Become Frustrations

Hello. Today we are gonna be talking about the number one reason conversations become frustrations and how to prevent that.

So this is for you if you are ever talking to a pet owner and you just feel like you are not getting through to them. You feel frustrated, you are not understanding why they're not following your recommendations. It could also be for you if maybe you are a boss and you feel like you are just not able to get through to an employee, or you're an employee and you're talking to your boss and you're trying to have an important conversation and you just feel like you're not being understood.

Or it could also be, say you get home at the end of the day from work, you're excited to see your partner, and then suddenly it just feels like you're having an argument and you don't even understand how that happened. If any of those sound familiar, then this is for you.

The Real Issue: A Mismatch in Conversation Types

So in all of those situations, anytime you feel like you're having a conversation but it's just feeling frustrating, it feels like you're not being heard, then there's probably a mismatch in conversation types.

And that's because there are really three different types of conversations. There's practical, social, and emotional.

And anytime you feel like you're not getting through to someone, it's probably that you are trying to have different types of conversations.

The 3 Types of Conversations

So with these conversations, a practical conversation—that's when you are thinking logically, right? It's about what is this about. You want to be problem solving.

But an emotional conversation is more how am I feeling—more looking for empathy.

And a social conversation—that's more about who am I—more aligned with values or identity.

And being aware of this little thing, the different conversation types, is such a powerful way to have so much more effective communication and also more productive conversation.

Example: Vaccines in Vet Med

We're gonna go through some examples of what this could look like, starting with vet med.

Maybe a topic that can be a hot topic—we'll say vaccines.

So as veterinarians, we tend to really like to have practical conversations because that's what we're there to do, right? We are there to think logically and to problem solve.

And so when making a recommendation like we recommend vaccines, it seems straightforward to us.

And so if there is an owner who is not interested in that, not hearing why logically it makes sense, then that can lead to a lot of frustration on both sides.

Frustrating for the veterinarian because we're trying to do what's best for the pet. It's also really frustrating for the pet owner because they don't feel heard and maybe they feel judged.

Emotional Conversations: Meeting Them Where They Are

And so in these cases, yes, the veterinarian may be trying to have a practical conversation, but the pet owner is very likely having either an emotional or a social conversation, which is very understandable.

And so when we look at the vaccines, it may be that they are having an emotional conversation.

Maybe they are really telling you that they feel uncomfortable or worried about a vaccine.

And so if you can get curious about why that is, maybe they had a past experience with a pet and they had a vaccine reaction.

Really getting curious and exploring—okay, can you tell me more about what is feeling overwhelming?

Trying to see what emotion is it and showing that you understand—it's really understandable that they're having that—that can help you to be meeting and on the same page.

It could also be maybe they have been reading online, maybe in a Facebook group, they've heard horror stories about a vaccine.

There are lots of reasons why someone can have a lot of emotions or feel uneasy about any medical procedures.

And it's so helpful if you can understand their perspective, why they're having those feelings, and to speak to those feelings.

Because until you are helping to show them that you understand how they're feeling, then they're just not gonna be able to hear or to be open to any logical reasons why you are recommending it.

Social Conversations: Identity & Values

Same with social.

So in this case, it could be that not wanting to vaccinate is more because of their identity.

Maybe they just don't feel like they are the type of person who vaccinates.

You can see with the politics these days.

And so that's okay too.

They are giving you really important information about something that is tied to their values or their identity.

And that's really valuable.

If you can identify that moving forward so that you can be speaking to that, that's going to help to be so much more effective long term.

And it also can help because yes, they may be talking about an identity where you two have very different identities.

But we all have many different parts of us.

And so if that's the case, if you're speaking to a pet owner and they're saying, I'm not the type of person to vaccinate, is there a part of your identity that you actually both do share?

Because again, we want to match their conversation type first.

And so if it is more social, maybe I can relate because they have a pit bull and they really like hiking.

So now that's something that we can both speak to.

And I could speak to why that identity has made it so that I really think that the lepto vaccine is important.

And again, it doesn't mean that you're always going to convince them to do it.

But it does mean that you are both on the same page.

And you're helping to build trust, because such a huge piece of that is just feeling heard and understood by someone versus judged or frustrated.

How This Shows Up at Work

And so when we look at some of these other examples, it's the same thing.

When I hear of a boss feeling like they aren't getting through to their employee, or someone trying to talk to their boss and they just don't feel heard, again it probably is that mismatch.

Maybe the boss is more in analytical problem solving mode.

The employee may be coming to them about something that is just feeling really hard.

It's more an emotional conversation.

And it's so valuable to look for that.

Trying to understand what feeling are they having and how can you have some empathy for what they're experiencing and speak to that instead of just trying to think logically.

Again, it could be aligned with values too or identity.

Just staying curious is always going to help.

How This Shows Up at Home

And again, when we think about that last example—maybe you've had a tough day.

Maybe your conversations didn't go well.

Maybe you tried to talk to your boss and that didn't go well.

And you get home and you're so glad to see your partner and you're just like, oh, this has just been such a day.

And maybe they immediately go into problem-solving mode.

Well, have you tried this?

And that's the last thing you want to hear.

Because you wanted to have an emotional conversation.

All you wanted was to have your feelings validated.

You were not looking for solutions.

And that's a point where that partner was trying.

They wanted to help you to feel better.

And they thought that having a practical conversation was what would be helpful.

And in that case, it ends up causing division even when you both really were trying.

You both had positive intentions.

Self-Awareness: What Kind of Conversation Do You Need?

And so this awareness is so helpful so that you can be a more effective communicator with others.

But it's also so helpful for having self-awareness.

Starting to notice—what kind of conversation do I need?

Especially when you are initiating something or at the end of the day when you are wanting to talk to your partner.

If you can give them information like, look, I just want to talk about my day, and I think I'm just looking for some validation, and I'm not looking for any solutions, being able to share that—now your partner knows how to support you.

And that's so huge.

A Small Shift That Changes Everything

This is just one of so many examples of ways of looking at something that is feeling frustrating or stressful or draining in your day, and how just a little shift in the approach or a new perspective can really completely change the way that you experience that.

It can go from something that is causing frustration and division to something that starts to feel maybe really fulfilling and actually starts to support your energy and can cause more of a connection.

Sustainable Success

And so when we look at what do we need in order to be having sustainable health and success, one of the first places to start is really to look at throughout your day.

What are the specific things—really tuning into your body—that are draining your energy or that are feeling stressful?

And what are the specific things that are supporting your energy and boosting your happiness?

And for each of those specific things that are draining your energy or adding stress, thinking about, okay, what can I do to change that?

Because the reality is, in order for health and success to be sustainable, there have to be more things that are supporting your energy and wellbeing than draining them in a day.

Otherwise, it simply isn't sustainable.

Ways to Go Deeper

And so if this is the kind of thing that you are really curious about and you would like support with, that is exactly what we do in my coaching program, the Align Success Reboot, so that is a six month integrative mind body coaching experience and community designed for driven professionals.

It's designed for those who are wanting to thrive in your career without the hustle and overwhelm. You wanna feel good in your body without the restriction, and you wanna have some time and energy for you without the guilt.

That is exactly what we do here, and it's a space where we look at physical and mental health together.

And so even when we look at this example of conversation types, this really does end up being connected to healthy habits as well, right?

Because it probably is the day when you felt frustrated with the pet owners, and then you had stressful conversations with your boss, and then you had an argument with your partner.

Maybe it's those times when you have that stress that then you're like, you know what, whatever, I just need to eat this food that maybe makes you feel good in the moment, but then it's going to make you feel crappy, or you're gonna just scroll on your phone too late, stay up.

All of those things are very understandable.

And it's all about just tuning into your body, being able to trust it and using that as a compass in order to be finding that approach to health and success that feels really good and sustainable.

It's also a place where you just get a break from having to be the totally responsible one who has all the answers.

It is a space where you can practice just leaving your mask at the door and just being you, and being able to explore some of the things that are feeling hard and what might feel better without the pressure to be performing.

And this is also a space where if you really wanna be an effective leader or an effective communicator, this is the place to start because it's so important to be putting your own oxygen mask on first.

And when you start to look at the things that are causing stress in your life, then that is really going to empower you to be able to support those around you.

And so in this coaching container, there are lots of different ways that you can receive support and guidance:

There are weekly group coaching calls where you can just come if you have anything that you wanna talk through at that time.

They're also recorded, and so you can even listen to them while you're driving to work, for example.

There are monthly deep healing and unblocking calls, so that's where we can do more work at the unconscious level.

I guide you through different exercises and some trance work.

There's—you get access to my private Life Boost website that is full of different courses from nervous system regulation, boundaries, decreasing your stress, to things like nutrition, gut health, blood sugar regulation, effective communication.

You have access to all of those.

Some of them are RACE-approved as well, so you can use your CE stipend.

And then there's a community forum so you can connect with others, ask questions, and receive coaching anytime.

And there are lots of other added things to make your life easy.

There's a private podcast where I can answer questions again, recipes, shopping lists, meditations.

My goal is really to help to create an environment where it is easier for you to thrive.

And there's also private onboarding so that when you get started, I really understand your unique challenges, your goals, and we can talk about where to start in honoring the amount of energy and the capacity that you have.

The first goal is what can we do to just decrease stress and get to be improving your energy.

And so if you are curious to learn more, the first step is you can visit: https://www.lifeboost.today/aligned-success-reboot

If you click on take the first step, then you can just enter your name and email.

I'll send you an email that has a few quick questions to get started, and that way we can just explore if it's the right next step for you.

Final Note

Also, to mention, this concept—these three conversation types—that I first learned from Charles Duhigg, he has some really great resources on this topic.

So I plan to do this weekly live every week.

And so if there are other topics that you'd like to see—anything that tends to feel challenging, draining, frustrating, in or outside of vet med—just let me know.

I love suggestions for future topics.