7 Sneaky Ways People-Pleasing Sabotages Your Healthy Habits (And How to Break the Cycle)

People-pleasing isn’t a personality trait, it’s an unconscious survival strategy. As someone who was a people-pleaser for decades, that realization was life-changing for me.

I didn't realize that the reason:

• I always said "yes" with a smile on my face (despite desperately wanting to say "no")...
• or the reason why when a friend asked my preference I'd just say, "I'm happy to do whatever you want to do!" (even when I had a strong preference)...

...wasn't because I was easy-going and "nice".
It was because I was avoiding the extreme discomfort of risking saying something that someone else didn't like. 

To my nervous system, the idea of disappointing someone or not being liked was equivalent to being chased by a lion.
Which meant I was constantly in survival mode — exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed, and feeling like no one knew the real me... despite seeming social and put-together on the outside.

While people-pleasing feels kind, responsible, or even “normal,” it quietly sabotages the healthy habits that help your mind and body feel good.

Here are 7 sneaky ways people-pleasing sabotages your healthy habits (and how to start breaking the cycle):

1. You eat what everyone else is having to avoid seeming difficult.

Even when it doesn’t make you feel good, you default to the group choice to fit in or avoid judgment.

This creates a pattern where other people’s comfort becomes more important than your body’s needs.

2. You avoid asking for simple modifications at restaurants.

Because you don’t want to appear “high-maintenance,” you dismiss the small adjustments that would make a big difference in your health and how you feel.

This reinforces the belief that prioritizing yourself is wrong and will make others unhappy.

3. Social events feel draining because you’re masking the real you.

You’re performing and focusing on who you think others will like instead of truly connecting and being the real you. You want to start drinking less or to make healthier choices, because you know you'd feel better but you rely on alcohol to make socializing easier.

You love that alcohol helps you to feel safer to be the real you, which makes socializing more fun and less draining.

4. You’re tuned in to everyone else’s needs—but disconnected from your own.

It’s easy to skip meals or self-sacrifice all day, which leads to over-eating at night because you’re starving and exhausted from being “the reliable one".

This isn’t lack of willpower. It’s chronic over-functioning and under-feeling.

5. You are incredibly kind to others—but brutal toward yourself.

Your self-talk is harsh, critical, and perfectionistic.
Even when you’re practicing healthy habits, it never feels like enough. You never feel like you're enough.

This internal pressure keeps your nervous system in survival mode, which makes sustainable habits nearly impossible.

6. You overcommit and say yes too often so that you never have time for you.

Your schedule is full because saying no feels unsafe.
This leaves no space, time, or energy for the habits you know support your well-being—sleep, movement, healthy meals, and time to recharge. You're constantly "too busy" for the things you know would help you to feel better.

7. You prioritize what makes your family happy over your own needs.

Your family relies on you for meals and you know they won't eat the healthy meals you want. So you prioritize their preferences over you own needs — and end up eating what will keep everyone else happy instead of you and your body.

This creates a long-term pattern of self-neglect disguised as care.

If any of these sound familiar, please know this:
You’re not lacking discipline.
You're not flawed.
You are doing so much better than you're giving yourself credit for.

You are not the problem. ❤️
The problem = your unconscious programming that's keeping you in survival mode. 

The reason healthy habits have felt hard is because your nervous system has been unconsciously taught (without your consent) that prioritizing your needs is unsafe.

The good news:
Once you start to see this unhelpful programming (“malware"), you can begin to uninstall it using a science-based, heart-centered approach that supports and works with your body, brain, values, and energy instead of against them.

Ready to take the first step?

I created a free masterclass that walks you through:

• why unhelpful habits like people-pleasing develop
• how hustle and diet culture programming influence your nervous system and beliefs keeping you stuck in survival mode
• the science behind habit change so you can "uninstall" that unhelpful programming
• a science-based, heart-centered approach you can put into practice immediately to finally create healthy habits that feel good and sustainable instead of draining

👉 Sign up for instant access to the replay here