Concussion Chronicles: A Freak Accident, Invisible Fence of Pain, and the Power of Connection

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A concussion turned my world upside down, forcing me to pause like never before. In this raw story, I share how it knocked me into alignment and reminded me of the power of connection.

A Freak Accident

Hi friend. Six weeks ago, something happened to me that has changed things, shifted my perspective and, and I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a really long time. I actually have two minutes of a podcast recording from weeks ago when I tried and I wasn't able to. So let's rewind a little bit and fill you in.

And you may hear some background noise because I am going for a long morning walk, which feels like a good time to chat with you about this.

So imagine that it's the middle of the night, you are in your bed, deep asleep. You know that just like really good sleep, the temperature's just right. You're in a comfy position, and bam — it's like a bowling ball all of a sudden crashes into your head and it wasn't a dream and your head really hurts.

That's what happened about six weeks ago, except for it wasn't a bowling ball. It turned out that it was my husband's head as kind of a freak accident kind of thing, where he was also sleeping. Apparently when his feet, if his feet reach the foot of the bed, he doesn't like that. And so like in his sleep, he launched his body, kind of like a, a dolphin dive situation back up to the top of the bed.

Except for my head, I was kind of curled up, so my forehead was facing down and the top of his skull just full force, crashed into my forehead.

At the time, I actually kind of laughed it off. So my initial reaction was like, what the fuck? Like, what just happened?And then I actually started to laugh, like immediately the Miley Cyrus, it came in like a wrecking ball, popped into my head. I was like, wow, this hurts. But like, that was such a weird thing that just happened and it was so surprising. We just kind of laughed it off and then I went back to bed.

Realizing It Wasn’t a "Simple" Concussion

When I woke up, I realized I probably had a concussion. I felt nauseous and my head hurt a lot. That was a bummer, but that was not the first time that I've had a concussion.

Um, I actually can't remember exactly how many concussions I've had, which may not be a great thing. But, I had had them before and it was inconvenient, but it would basically be like my head hurt for a day or two. I needed to take it easy, and then I just went back to normal. Like it really wasn't a big deal.

And so I assumed that this would be the same. Except for it wasn't at all the same this time. The first few days a, I thought that it would be. And then things got more and more severe and I had no idea that concussions could be so — I guess debilitating is the word that comes into my mind — and that concussion recovery could be so long.

The Invisible Electric Fence of Pain

So what happened is that basically suddenly I couldn't do almost anything, because it was as if there was this invisible fence, like an invisible electric fence, and if I crossed that fence, there would be such sharp pain like I've never experienced before in my head.

It was the kind of pain that would just stop me in my tracks and it just felt very wrong, and then all sorts of other pains. So it very often felt like a giant balloon was trying to inflate in my head. The pain would sometimes change and so the level of severity in which my head hurt was influenced by this invisible electric fence.

And the thing that was so frustrating was that it changed. And so I would try to learn where my limits, um, but the fence just kept getting smaller and smaller, closer and closer. And so it got to the point where I couldn't really do anything that increased my blood flow or blood pressure.

• Movement, like even walking maybe 50 feet, trying to go for a walk, was too much.

• Strength training was definitely out of the question.

• At the beginning, super gentle yoga was too much.

• Anything that required thinking — talking to my husband was hard, talking to anybody else was really hard.

• I couldn't talk on the phone.

• I couldn't look at any screens.

• Even trying to record a podcast I couldn't do.

And that felt very hard and very lonely.

Because I have a lot of ways of coping with hard things, but a lot of those I couldn't do anymore. Walking is one of my favorite ways of processing, and that was taken away from me. Couldn't move my body the way that I wanted to. I couldn't share what I was going through.

And I think what surprised me was the hardest thing was the lack of connection — it was so lonely.

A Tough Birthday Moment

I wanted to be able to explain what I was going through, but to do that required thinking, and that was painful. That was crossing that electric fence. And so there was a lot of stillness.

One memory and moment that really stands out for me: it was on my birthday. It was in the middle of this concussion recovery, and I hadn't been able to connect with my family for a while, just because I couldn't text, I couldn't talk on the phone, and I just wanted to hear their voices and to get to talk to them for a moment.

And so, we set it up so that I called my parents and it felt so nice to hear their voices. But after just a couple of minutes, I had definitely crossed that electrical fence and I knew I needed to stop. And I hung up and I just sobbed with Matt, because it was so frustrating.

I just wanted to talk to them and to be connected, and it brings back those emotions now, which I didn't really expect. But connection is one of my core values, and this experience was a reminder of just how important connection is, including on social media.

Clarity on Social Media & Connection

I imagine you can relate to this, but I've had times when I just think, do I even want to be on Instagram or LinkedIn? Like, do I just wanna stop? Like is this just a distraction? Is this really adding joy to my life?

And being forced to pause and to not be able to be on social media gave me so much clarity on that — to realize that it actually does add so much richness to my life. It's not at all about the number of likes or that little red notification.

I realized what an incredible community I have been able to have, because of social media and individually the number of beautiful people who I've been able to connect with.

When What You Think You Want Isn't What You Really Want

My social media has grown just very slowly and gradually. And I had one reel that went viral, at least for me. And that's like, you know, always this hope, right? It’s like, maybe my reel is going to be seen by so many people.

And yet when that happened, I actually didn't like it.

Because when possible, when I have a new follower, I like to send a message to them, basically, like if it was real life and someone was connecting with me, and that was impossible to do with the number of people following me.

And so that experience also was really eye-opening of: so often what we think we want actually isn’t what we want.

Post-It Notes and Processing

And so with social media, I did discover that during this time, sometimes I could just write down my thoughts on paper.

As long as I wasn't trying to think about what I should write about or trying to edit — if I really just let whatever words were in my mind spill out onto paper — that was a lot more doable.

And so there were some days where I started to write on post-it notes, to take a photo of that, and then I would have Matt post those photos for me, like as a carousel. And I would have him put the caption as well. Just to be trying to connect with my community, but also as a way personally just to be processing this.

Reflection and Realignment

One thing I realized during this, six weeks of deep reflection and having to pause really leads to a lot of insight and realignment.

And so my plan is to be sharing stories and reflections from a concussion, and having them be short episodes.

But one thing that stood out to me so much was that just feeling seen and supported or kind words mean the world when you are going through something hard.

The Power of Kindness

Even though I couldn't respond to comments on social media, there were comments that — or I could tell someone just really took a moment to help me to feel seen or to share kind words.

And one comment that Matt would read to me would just make my entire day. My day would feel so hard, but the time that that person took just to share that one thing… it had such a huge impact.

And it's so important that we all remember how powerful our words can be and how powerful a moment of kindness can be, even when it may not seem like that big of a deal on your end.

A little compliment or words of encouragement — it doesn't take that much energy, and yet the amount of energy it gave me was enormous.

The support that I received from friends — to have someone wanting to help to make something more enjoyable in your day. You know, I had a friend who wanted to send an Uber Eats dinner for me. That during a time when I felt so isolated, it felt like a huge hug from them. To receive a card or flowers — it means so much.

And so it's just a reminder. It's something that I want to be carrying with me: sometimes it can be so easy to be caught up in our own life and busyness, but pausing and recognizing that connecting with our people and just sharing love and support… oh gosh, our world needs that so much.

And I never want to be in that mindset that I am too busy to send a card, or to help someone who's going through something hard.

A Message to You

And so if you are going through something hard right now and you have the capacity to message me, please do.

And if you know someone who is going through something hard — maybe they've been going through something hard for a while — just know that even a moment to send them a little hey or message, it will mean so much to them.

Gratitude for the “Wrecking Ball”

So even though I hope that I never get another concussion — I would never wish for one — I'm still recovering but feeling so much more like myself.

I still have a headache pretty much every day, but not that severe stabbing kind of pain.

And I'm actually grateful for the experience now, because I feel like it literally knocked me even more into alignment.

It helps me to connect even more with my values and to have new perspectives and clarity on my path forward.

Worst Timing, Best Timing

And it actually happened during a time when I felt like it was the absolute worst, worst timing.

Like, I had just returned back from two back-to-back veterinary conferences and I was so ready to just like dive in and go. I had so many projects, so many people I wanted to connect with, and I had to pause all of that.

And if I hadn't been forced to pause — like I have never paused before — I would've missed out on this opportunity of reprioritizing.

I would've just been too distracted on what I felt like I should be doing, what I was focusing on.

And this is a crucial piece.

Looking Ahead

So that's having to do with my six-month coaching container. I'm going to be making some exciting updates to that. I'll keep you filled in.

I feel so grounded and in alignment and excited for that. So I'll share more in the future, but I will pause for now and plan on sharing more tidbits from this concussion experience — what I learned and how I coped — in future episodes.

Sending you so much love, positive energy, and vibes. Bye.